With few exceptions, all of the places and the people you’ll interact with in the next five years already exist. That means there are relationships that have not yet started, paths that have not yet crossed, and stories that have not yet unfolded. These connections are waiting, like seeds, ready to grow when the right moment arrives.

My sister lives in a smallish mountain town in Montana. Every time I visit there is always so much todo, and with so many people. While walking through the convenience store, my sister will stop and talk with people she knows, every single time. They’ll talk about the previous weeks drama, or what their plans are for the night, or make some plan to attend a music event together the following week. My sister feels indifferent to this and sometimes she’ll skip the store if she’s in a rush because she doesn’t want to be rude walking by everyone. This is foreign to me because when I go to the store it is an isolating experience where other people turn into my obstacles instead of opportunities for connection. It feels like I’m navigating a maze of avoidance rather than a space for interaction.

When I stop and think about this, this pattern repeats everywhere in my life. I avoid waving to neighbors, making eye contact with drivers, or sitting near others in waiting rooms. When I hear someone knocking on my door, I stay quiet and hope they think no one is home. Interaction often feels like something to escape, not embrace.

When I talk to my sister about this she mentions that she could never live in a urban place again where making friends can feel impossible. She’ll bring up that the only friends she has back home is her high school friends and they have all gone their own ways. While I agree with her here, it is unreasonable to expect everyone to move to a small town where everyone knows everyone. It also makes me sad that my sister feels this way because I know there are a lot of people who do not have an opportunity to leave or make friends.

The answer lies in building up the relational infrastructure in places that already exist. Relational infrastructure is defined as the foundational tools, systems, and frameworks that enable and support strong, and effective relationships. We need ways for people to make and develop a friend group from zero people to up to ten people. This is important because friend groups are fragile and can often dissolve due to life style changes such as my sisters high school friends. Furthermore, if we consider the ideal outcome to be a person having ten district core friend groups over their life, we need ways to nurture these connections and prioritize their growth.

The people and places for your next chapter already exist, waiting for the right conditions to bloom. Our challenge is to create those conditions, fostering opportunities for connection in a world where isolation too often feels like the default.