In computer networking information is transferred primarily through packets. These packets, standardized since the 1980s, contain key data such as the destination and travel across networks of routers, switches, and computers to reach their intended destination. Networks have built-in redundancies, if packets are lost they are automatically recovered. Since we don’t own every router the packets travel through we design these packets to be encrypted to prevent eavesdropping.

Unfortunately, networks are prone to attacks. One such attack is called Denial-of-service attack (DoS) where the attacker sends fake packets in order to overwhelm the target system. Imagine receiving hundreds of junk mail in your home mailbox all coming from the same address in Nevada. You’d likely ask the post office to stop delivering mail from that sender. In response to attacks like this, systems are designed to stop accepting packets from sources flooding them.

Attackers have gotten more clever. Instead of sending from one source, they can now send junk mail from many different states to deliver the same amount of junk mail to your address. This isn’t just an attack on your mailbox, it overwhelms the entire postal system. Think of it as every post office across the country suddenly handling all of today’s packages at once. The postal system is resilient and prepared for surges, like the holiday season, but your mailbox isn’t ready to receive every single package purchased online.

Now, consider this in the context of emotional regulation. Every day, we receive emotional “packets” from our environment, someone cutting us off in traffic, a negative comment, online media, or stress from work. If we react to each packet with full force, we can easily become overwhelmed, like the mailbox bombarded with junk mail. Just as a network drops unnecessary packets to avoid overload, we can choose to drop emotional reactions that would otherwise swamp us.

While dropping packets helps us regulate our immediate emotional reactions, it also has a broader impact. If we’re resilient, like a well-designed postal system, it doesn’t just benefit us personally, it also affects those around us.

Consider the three tiers of emotional regulation:

1. Immediate personal benefit: By choosing how we respond, we maintain calm and clarity in the moment.
2. Overall personal impact: Consistently regulating our emotions strengthens our emotional resilience over time.
3. World impact: Our emotional resilience can help foster healthier relationships and contribute to more stable, positive communities.

Just as a strong postal system supports massive operations like Amazon, our personal resilience not only protects us but enables us to handle the complexities of life without being overwhelmed. Our calmness and ability to filter out unnecessary stressors can ripple through our relationships and, on a larger scale, influence our communities and the world.